Timeout.
Can I share something that has been on my heart without you getting mad at me?
When I started in ministry I wanted nothing more than to see lives changed. I wanted to see marriages restored, addictions broken, and people saved. Somewhere over time I slowly stop living for lifechange and I started living for more. Sadly, I wasn’t always excited about more lives being changed I was excited about simply having more. More People. More Influence. More. More. More.
I got to the point where lifechange wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough that 4 people gave their lives to Jesus, I wanted 10. It wasn’t enough that we baptized 60 people, I wanted 100. I began to realize that no matter what was happening at Lifepoint I wanted more.
I still loved Jesus. I still read his word. I still prayed. Something had happened in me. I had become discontent but in a not so good way. Instead of living in the moment I was living for the next level. Everything was about reaching the next level. The only problem was that nobody defined where that next level was. How was I supposed to know when I got there? and How many levels are there anyway? Is this like a video game or something…”I’m on level 74!”
It hit me awhile back when we moved from the middle school to the high school.
- We had just baptized 60 people.
- The very next week we gave away $4500 in free gas.
- We mailed out 30,000 invitation to the community.
- 685 people showed up for our service at the high school
- …and deep inside I was dissappointed. We could’ve had 800 or even a 1000.
That’s when it hit me…I had been CHASING INFINITY! We could’ve had 1000 and I would’ve thought why didn’t we have 1200. I somehow had bought into this idea that the goal of life was to move to the next level…and then the next level…and then the next.
I can’t pinpoint what has changed in me. I am still deeply burdened for people who don’t know Jesus. I still have a desire to reach the entire city of Wilmington. I am still hungry to learn and grow. However, I am more content than ever. I’m sure there are more levels for me to discover. I’ve just chosen to enjoy this one for now. I trust that God will take me to the next level when He thinks I’m ready. Until then I’ll enjoy the now.
Pastor Jeff, why should anyone get angry with you? You humbled yourself before the Lord and man, expressing feelings that make you human, nothing more…nothing less.
I felt led to share some quotes with you, from a Cistercian monk named Thomas Keating, in his book, Intimacy with God:
“A good and faithful Christian is one who lives the gospel in everyday life, not one who only reads about it or tries to manipulate God to fit his or her particular needs.”
“Instead of worrying about guarantees for the future life, we need to trust God and believe that if we do what we can to love and serve God and our neighbor in this life, God will take care of the future. We must seek God more and more in the present moment.”
People will be led to you, just as I was. Psalm 37 verse 30 says ” The mouth of the just man tells of wisdom and his tongue utters what is right. The law of his God is in his heart and his steps do not falter.” Trust! He shall lead!
Thank you. I needed to read this.
Most days I am overly excited about what God is doing right now in our church. Then there are those days when I feel like it is just not enough.
But, I am still enjoying the ride.
wow jeff! that really touched me! your honesty is real and needed. being content with where things are right now is the key to a life of peace and trust. thanks for being honest with us and know that we all struggle with contentment, too.
You should be content in the effort, you and your team work very hard for the kingdom. I have had to work through the same problem in my life – worrying about the outcomes. I’ve learned and am still learning to put the effort in and be content with it. I have learned that sometimes you may be just getting the lid loose!
Jeff your the kind of leader us people need and the kind we can follow.
what a humbling post – thank you! working on making the only thing I need more of is Jesus…imagine the rest will come as He sees fit.
As always, I value your transparency and I thank you.
Proverbs 30:7-9
O God, I beg two favors from you;
let me have them before I die.
First, help me never to tell a lie.
Second, give me neither poverty nor riches!
Give me just enough to satisfy my needs.
For if I grow rich, I may deny you and say, “Who is the Lord?”