Today I took my first trip to see a Christian counselor. Why? Because I am a messed up person. Left to my own devices I will derail the blessings of God in my life…and I don’t want to.
At the end of 2009 I made a list of the changes that I felt were necessary for me to be a healthier husband, father, and pastor. One of which was finding a good Christian Counselor.
His first question to me was, “why did you want to see a counselor?” I had a bunch of reasons for why I chose to do this but ultimately it boiled down to the idea of building a fence or a hospital. You can either build a fence at the top of a cliff or a hospital at the bottom. It is much cheaper and less painful to build a fence than spend time in the hospital.
Part of being healthy for me is to be proactive rather than reactive. Unfortunately, ministers do not have a great track record of staying in the ministry, staying married to their spouse, and raising kids that love Jesus. I am choosing to invest in my health now rather than wait until it is too late. My family and I are personally enjoying the healthiest season of ministry that we can recall…and I want to keep it that way!
Inspiring. Thanks for sharing.
I applaude and support this decision as not only being wise, but your courage to share the decision is evidence of your commitment to Christ, to your family and to your calling to minister in His name with integrity and true character. Thank you Pastor! You are a wise and brave man! Honored to call you my Pastor!
I first heard of proactive psychological care while I was in college. I knew a pastoring couple (serving at two different churches) who had a weekly appointment with a counselor. I knew them well enough to be able to gently query, “What’s going on?”
The answer was “nothing.” They just realized how important it was to invest an hour every week having an objective set of eyes and ears and heart and brain inspecting their relationship and identifying weaknesses.
In retrospect, I wish I’d applied that. Not that it’s too late, and not that my marriage is particularly unsound, but seeking proactive counseling is a heck of a lot healthier than being cocky and saying I’m strong enough not to need it.
I salute you, sir. You’re a good example.
Awesome. Thanks for sharing and for giving me confirmation.
I went to see a counselor for the first time in 2008…after I tried to take a handful of pills to make the pain in my heart go away. I use to think that “mental health care” was for “crazy people”…but I found out different. I, too, found a great Christian counselor, and he was also an ordained minister. How wonderful it was to be able to talk with someone who’s conversation began with God and ended with God..Through God and this kind man I found what I needed to make my heart pain better. Pastor, we are all “messed up”. I applaud you for being human! We are in the real world! And our mental health is just as important as our physical and spiritual health.
I don’t think I’ll be far behind! We normally only seek stuff like this out once it’s too late. Our ministry or family is destroyed and then we want help. Proactive is the way to go.
One of the best things I’ve ever done was see a counselor about a year and a half ago. She guided me through some really tough spots in my life, helped me let go of some past stuff that was holding me back and gave me good advice to barrel forward and protect my heart. Her third-party view helped me see things that were pulling me down that I had no clue about. I’m glad you went. People need to see that the stigma that weak, messed up people go to counselors is wrong; we all need help! I admire you greatly, Jeff.
I am consistently impressed by your ability to be honest, bold, and transparent! Thank you for giving others permission to ask for help and to seek help without shame. Love you Pastor!
Thanks for being real. inspiring.
Dear Pastor Jeff,
God Bless you and your honesty and humbleness.
It takes great courage, wisdom, and maturity to tell your congragtion that you have decded to go for counseling.You have given us all the gift of allowing us to be human too.
I am a semi-retired counselor. Before I came to Wilmington I had a private practice Christian Counseling career.Therefore I so respect that you have been blessed with “awareness” of the fact that getting support for yourself is a good thing.
Too many pastors try to do it “all”
on their own only to burn out some years down the road. There are many retreats and seminars for pastor burn-out.
Our congregation, your wife and family, your friends all have there roles and place in your life. However, a pastor has all those people to reciprocate to.
That is a lot of people!
A pastor needs someone that he can unburden his heart to without having to say the so called right thing, mature thing, divine thing,scriptural thing etc.
Right now I am taking on too many things and I think I wil consider going to a counselor who plays the role of an unbiased lisener.
I pray that God prepares the heart of your counselor by giving him the wisdom, compassion, and insight that will give you just the right support you need.
Thank you for your wise and humbling explanation of how you intend to take care of ” you ” which will in turn help you to preserve you and stil be able help others too.
You are in the ultimate parent role as a pastor. The airlines tell the parents to put the oxygen mask on their face first and THEN on their children’s face(or in this case your flocks face)
May you strike the right balance as you juggle all your roles. We want you around for a long time for you have so much potential and we love you.
God Bless you,
Marylou McCarthy